The sermon “Not By Myself” by TD Jakes takes a look into the life of Paul; specifically when he was on trial before of king Agrippa. I was struck by alot of things in this sermon and one of them was how complicated Pauls life got after experiencing God. When His name changed from Saul to Paul, a new creation was indeed formed but he was, unfortunately going to be judged as Saul as much as Paul.
Having obtained salvation, Paul was rejected by his past (Jews) but his future (Christians) was highly sceptical about accepting him which is understandable because he used to kill Christians. Have you ever been in a situation where who you were yesterday is making it difficult to transition into who you ought to be tomorrow?
One of my biggest regrets in life is not having lived up to my fullest potential in my studies. I regret allowing myself to be average. There is a brick wall of intelligence ignorance that came with the decision to be average and it is a wall that has been making my transition into being knowledgeable very complicated. So who I was is hindering with who I want to be and it’s all so complicated.
I found it odd for Paul to think himself happy when he was put before king Agrippa (Acts 26:2). But I’ve come to understand that Paul was given the opportunity to give his testimony to a man who came from a family of not so Christian loving people. Paul was given an opportunity to speak the truth that was his testimony to someone who had no reason to be compassionate to him. He was given an opportunity to confront that which would have been one of his past lifes highest moments and he thinks himself happy because he may have seen who he would have been and praised God for who he was.
As a new creation, that which truly is complicated is allows an opportunity for God to come in and glory. Therefore I stand before this brick wall of regret in my life and I speak the truth that is my testimony and that truth is that God loves me, He loves me He loves He loves me He loves, He cares, He loves me He loves me He loves me…and every time I confess that a brick falls off and another and another and another…because you see it may be complicated but my God is bigger than that! Jesus Culture put it nicely when they sing “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves me.” Key word there being maintain; to cause or enable a situation to continue. Until you confess the Truth over your situation you are enabling it to continue. So when this brick wall comes and tries to stop me from being joyous and peace filled I have to stop providing for its existence and start confessing that no weapon formed against me shall prosper and that when the enemy comes like a flood, the spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.
Sometimes you look over your shoulder and try to explain to people where you come from but the only words that come out of your mouth are It’s Complicated. Sometimes you try to make sense of what just happened so you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off but all you can say is It’s Complicated. Know this one truth, it may be complicated but God is bigger than that!!!