I praise God for the work that He is doing in my life. I once shared that when God takes you out of a funk, there’s no time to keep quiet about it! Keeping quiet about the Truth that the Lord is revealing in my life would be a serious crime. One example of Truth that has become very apparent to me is that being truly honest with myself, no frills, no bells and whistles, helps a great deal. You begin to deal with things differently; honestly. It also helps you be honest with those that are around you. A couple of days ago I shared about my experience with people pleasing and how the Lord is delivering me from that and it is such a thrill to not care what people think or what they have to say. It is such a relief to not care about being right all the time and just…being.
Three days ago I attended a beautiful event that was aimed at bringing worth to the female child (or at least that’s how I saw it). One of the guest speakers talked about beauty; how the world defines it versus how God defines it. Now let me be honest. Growing up, I thought of myself as the black sheep of my family. In fact, I was just a black sheep wherever I went. I was, and still am, the kid that wasn’t Xhosa enough or light skinned enough or slim enough or athletic enough or intelligent enough. I remember being about 13 or 14 years old and the one thing that I really wanted was to be an indispensible (necessary) part of someone’s life because I thought that that would give me, for the first time, the experience of what it feels like to be enough. Yho! But the worst part was all of these things culminating and making me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough. I mean I still look at myself in the mirror and think if only I was… This is me being honest. The standards of “beauty” are constantly highlighted by the media that when you fall short by a centimetre, you instantly label yourself ugly. The sad part is that if one person tells you that you’re ugly, it literally takes a village to make you truly see otherwise.
With no better way of dealing with this, I dragged my not enoughness into my relationship with the Lord. I cannot count how many times I must have made Him feel like He was not enough. He tells me I’m beautiful and I’m like thank you Jesus but if someone else, preferably a male, were to tell me that, haike then I’d start to believe it. Funny thing is, they came, the males now, and told me how they thought I was pretty but because I had agreed with the devil so many times when he told me otherwise, I still could not believe it. Now all of this has taught me that the only one that can change and/or render powerless that which truly comes from the pit of hell is the one who is great enough to dwell in heaven yet loving enough to live in my heart. You see, the devil always opposes the work of God. If after creating, God said, “It is good” then the devil will surely say the opposite. Therefore, no man, no matter how handsome he is, can ever restore me not being enough; only God can. Currently I am in a space where I am learning to have confidence in God; that when He says that Kanyi you are beautiful, I become fully persuaded that I am beautiful.
God is enough. Kurt Carr says if He never does anything for me again, I would still praise Him because He has been enough. His grace is enough. His love and mercy is enough. Slowly but surely I am learning that everything He has made me to be is enough. There is a level of peace that comes with this knowledge. He is enough, actually more than enough. Be blessed 🙂